Essay: Forgive and Forget

Forgive and Forget


There’s an old saying that we’re all familiar with: Forgive and forget.


In its simplicity it is purity and genius at its finest. One simply forgives them selves or someone else then simply forgets about it and moves on with their life. Pretty straight forward I’d say.


The cart before the horse

From my own experience I’ve found that it does no service to me or anyone else if I retaliate or even if I hold onto the feelings and memories so that they keep me angry or resentful or victimized. The longer that I hold on to it, the more attached to my heart and soul it becomes. Even if it only affects my outlook in life moving forward, it could lead to missed relationships and opportunities.


I’ve been through quite a lot in life for such a short guy and have found ‘Forgive and Forget’ to be in need of a slight overhaul to suit my own mind, body and soul. I say you this:

I never forgive and I never forget.


The moral of the story


I beg your pardon sir?

That’s right. I never forgive and I never forget.

The reasoning behind this is simple:

I do not have to forgive because I preempt it with love. War only begets more war. The same goes for Love. This is not to say that I allow others to treat me badly or that they have the right to; it’s simply to say that love is the key. If you have the love in your heart, nobody can truly hurt you.

I do not forget because in one sense I can not and in another I will not. I can not forget; especially if someone has hurt someone else badly or disrupted their life immensely because this is a lesson of sorts. Do not allow it to happen again. If you forget then you may end up in the same relationships and encountering the same, lower level of reality than if you learn and grow from it.



The story


One day, after being in a co-dependent relationship for the past 3 years, I met some people with whom I resonated on a more intelligent, creative, and ‘higher level’ of existence. It didn’t take long before I was residing in closer quarters as we all had our dreams that coincided with one another and it truly seemed that we believed in helping each other on our paths.


There was one person in our group of four in particular who, as the days progressed, started ignoring me, talking over me, interrupting me and the like. I wasn’t terrible pleased with this as it was a little disruptive and non-accommodating so being the psychological gentleman that I can be sometimes I decided to simply reflect her actions in hopes that she would ask why I was doing what I was doing. This was after multiple attempts at open communication of course. Then one day it hit what I had presumed was the golden question. “Why are you treating me like this?”


I was so pleased that this person even noticed or cared and that I had the opportunity I had hoped for: to explain my feelings on her request as opposed to me voicing my feelings and remaining unheard or blatantly ignored. So I explained to her how uncomfortable and unwelcome I felt and that her apparent disdain for me was unwarranted. I also mentioned that I had previously attempted to inform her of how I felt but, until now, she did not seem to hear a word I said. It was like I did not exist except for the fact that I was apparently some sort of antagonist to her.


As things go, I thought we were making progress; however, it wasn’t long before it all started up again and I soon found myself homeless. Blindsided by her hatred she called the cops and informed them that I did not pay rent, I was freeloading and I was violent. All 3 statements are false. As I did not sign the lease and was simply a roommate, the police sided with her and I received no chance to speak or defend myself and I was on the street in a matter of 30 minutes.


My current spouse, whom I had met at the place of residence I just mentioned, knew this person before and said this kind of behavior has been a long time coming. She also mentioned this other person has had a hard life, and I’ve heard some of the stories. They’re definitely terrifying. That said; it does not condone what she did that day. Well, the first thing on my mind was, “Ok, so where am I going to live?”


The lady, who I met in 2012, had decided to get out of there while she could and I found myself with a girl I barely knew, but somehow knew that I loved, and so we went camping. We never looked back. We had so much fun on the road for the next while as we sought our next place of residence and we grew together. I found myself closer than I’ve ever been to someone.


Sometimes it is wise to say thank you to unfortunate circumstances or, as they say:

“Every cloud has a silver lining”

 Thank you for reading,

M. Lang



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